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Archive for July, 2011

Kate Upton is an Optical Illusion

I can’t remember Kate Upton’s face no matter how many times I watch her videos. Do you guys have the same problem or is it just me?— Degenerate


Here are some Jebbing entries.. remember winner gets 10K. The contest is still on going. Send entries to thekcshow891@gmail.com

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Olivia Wilde has a nude scene in ‘The Change-Up’ thanks to CGI

Good news! Olivia Wilde, also known as 13 to most House fans, has a nude scene in the upcoming movie The Change-Up. This is great news if you haven’t seen the movie Alpha Dog

And now the bad news via Gizmodo:

The former OC grad preserved her modesty in a scene with Ryan Reynolds using pasties but after filming wrapped, producers noticed that Wilde’s pasties were clearly visible and that “they had no choice but to use computer-generated imagery to make the sex scene seem as real as possible.” Wilde says:

“I wasn’t actually naked but now appear to be naked because… in that scene Ryan Reynolds is supposed to be covering them (with his body) and he moved and so the pasties were in the movie and so they had to paint in nipples using CGI. And I got to approve the nipples! They sent me an email saying, ‘Please review nipple cover shot one through seven and decide which one is most like the original.’ I don’t know what he (producer) was using as source material… but I think it’s pretty close.”

I’m starting to hate the future now. I don’t mind fake boobs in the silicone sense of the word, but CGI? Really? I just feel sorry for the pubescent kids. When I was a little boy I saw a woman with 3 breasts in Total Recall. I was in awe. Days later I found out that it was prosthetics (they did not have much CGI back then). I was never the same again.

Remember Jessica Alba’s nude scene in Machete? CGI. She wasn’t even naked. Look:
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Senti Sabado Clip of the Week: MTV Explains the Internet (1995)

Back when MTV played music, Hurt Shoulder Kurt Loder taught us everything we need to know about this thing called “the internet”. He also told us porn is dirty. Years later, MTV replaced music videos with the cousins of porn: Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, etc. Oh, well. —Degenerate


“I have the smallest penis in the world.” – Enrique Iglesias

Via The Sun:

ODDBALL Enrique Iglesias suffered an embarrassing concert cock-up — by telling fans he has a tiny willy.

The Spanish singer stunned gig-goers by going into excruciating details about his shortcomings in the trouser department.

Onlookers were left baffled by his odd behaviour at the gig in Melbourne, Australia, on Tuesday night — which also included an episode where he discussed losing his virginity.

During the bizarre 20-minute interlude he declared: “I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious.”

He began the unexpected behaviour by inviting three men from the audience to join him on stage.

The foursome perched on a bench from where the conversation took an X-rated turn.
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KC’s future girlfriend is Team Hef

Team Hef is in full force after Crytal Harris talked poop about Hugh Hefner’s sexual prowess.

Hiromi Oshima, a Playboy Playmate and KC Montero’s future girlfriend (they follow each other on Twitter and DM each other sweet nothings – just guessing about the latter part), spoke to People and defended Hef’s mastery in the art of coitus.

“I’ve heard girls say they have a lot of fun in there,” says Hiromi Oshima during Playboy TV’s “TV for 2” party at the Playboy Mansion.

“Hef is a lover,” says Dani Mathers, who works at Playboy TV. “I think they definitely had sex more than that one time and it wasn’t two minutes. Hef definitely has a sex life.”

“I think the whole thing with Crystal is really sad, and Hef is such an amazing man. He provides so much for everyone that’s around him and all of the Playmates,” says Shanna McLaughlin, who appeared in the magazine in July 2010. “I think some things should be kept private between two people, especially in a break-up scenario.”

And NO. They’re not just defending Hef because they work for Playboy. I don’t work for Playboy and I defend Hef.

P.S. Uncle Hef, if you’re reading this, please follow me on Twitter so I can DM you my home address. You don’t have to give me a free lifetime subscription, but if you insist it would be rude for me to say no. Thanks. — Degenerate


Don’t dance. You’re gonna make Lady Gaga cry.

I don’t know about Lady Gaga, but sometimes when I drink I just cry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I tell people around me “I love you”. Sometimes I hug friends and strangers alike. But that’s okay, I guess, because some superheroes look for trouble when drunk.

This is not to say Lady Gaga had something to drink. I’m totally sober and I also cried when I saw this clip. I’m a little monster. — Degenerate


Have you seen this douchebag?

PETA is offering P100,000 to anyone with information about a couple of douchebags who torture animals, and, employ and force minors to do the same.

Chita Dorma Ridon, alias Lyn-lyn Burnok, and Vic Ridon, residents of Venflor Village, San Fernando City, in La Union, are making money selling “crush videos”.

Via Yahoo! News:

According to PETA, the “crush” videos showed girls clad in mini-skirts and high heels cutting off the ears of rabbits before setting them on fire, burning dogs with a clothes iron, poking monkeys’ eyes with stiletto heels, and stomping on puppies until they vomited blood and bits of their internal organs.

I have a little bit of tiger blood in me, so it pisses me off that some people are cruel to animals. At least tigers won’t torture you as they would kill you instantly. These Ridon douchebags are worse than animals. I’d like to see them in a cage with my tiger cousins. Or just in a cage in Manila zoo because their animals are malnourished. —Degenerate


That’s a talking vagina. Right?

This commercial has corrupted my fragile little mind. I never knew vaginas had nails because I’ve never seen a vagina before -much more one that talks (Rob Kardashian does not count). —Degenerate, proud owner of a purity ring.


Shocking News: Crystal Harris said she only had sex with Hef once

Shocking news! Crystal Harris, Hugh Hefner’s runaway nurse bride, told Howard Stern that she had never seen Hef naked and that she only had sex with the 105-year-old once and that it lasted “about 2 seconds”.

“Hef doesn’t really take off his clothes. I have never seen him naked (giggles),” said the 25-year-old during the interview (which reminds me of the time Amanda Coling probably used to giggle afterbefore the Azkal ‘incident’).

“I was over it. I just like, walked away. I am not turned on by Hef. Sorry,” she added, as I stared at her chest while Stern pressed her for details.

In a separate interview with Access Hollywood, she said Hef was more into “couch cuddling and movie nights” and that “sex wasn’t really the most important thing for him” during the early stages of their relationship.

“I love Hef. I cared about Hef. I always will. We had a good time together,” added Crystal.

Hugh Hefner was surprised so he did what any young man would do: Tweet.

“The sex with Crystal the first night was good enough so that I kept her over two more nights. Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don’t know why.”

Hef deleted the tweet before adding, “When I said, ‘I missed a bullet’ when Crystal left, I didn’t mean I didn’t love her. I meant I realized she really didn’t love me. I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost,” and “Crystal convinced me that she adored me. That was the first lie.”

I don’t know about KC, but I’m Team Hef even though I don’t understand why he keeps wearing a sailor’s hat. Crystal is clearly lying about the sexual prowess of Hef. As the saying goes: SENIORS BEFORE HOES.

By the way, Hef has a new girlfriend, 27 year-old French Canadian model Shera Bechard.


Join The KC Show Jebbing Contest For A Chance To Win P10K

Join The KC Show Jebbing Contest for a chance to win P10,000.00 (or if you like, KC can just jeb on you. Your choice.)

Jebbing the the act of taking a dump in public places (not on a toilet). Butt exposure is not necessary butt it is encouraged. Send your best jebbing photos to thekcshow891@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: All photos submitted become kcmontero.com property. This is not to say that we legally own your ass.


Photo of the Day: Where Megan Fox Is Dating Peter North

Yes, Megan Fox is dating Peter North. That’s the only way this photo happened. Okay, that’s just cake.

—Degenerate


The next craze after “Planking”

As we know the “Planking” phenom has caught the world by storm and with most popular fads comes many different versions of the original. To date there are many like Koalaing, Deading, Toweling and Owling. Now I may have not start the so-called “Planking” craze, but I do remember doing the exact same thing many years ago called, “The Lying Down Game.” Again I’m not trying to take credit for inventing this idiotic waste of time, but I would like some credit as one of the pioneers in the Philippines. This request has been denied and the small credit I have yearned for will never be mine.  That is why I have decided to make up a new craze. A new phenomenon that will sweep the world over like Amanda Coling swept away any advice to stay off showbiz talk shows. This new craze will be forever know as mine.. This blog entry will be its introduction to the  world….

You have Owling, Deading, Toweling, Koaling and of course Planking. It is my pleasure to introduce to you…. (more…)


KCMontero.com About To Expire, To Be Renamed SmartKCMontero.com

The domain mapping and domain registration of KCMontero.com will expire August 1, 2011. We have yet to inform our sponsors that we don’t have any money left to renew said domain mapping and registration because we invested our money when a Nigerian prince sent us an email asking for financial assistance (he promised to pay us back in gold soon – we’re gonna be rich!).

Just like Smart Araneta Coliseum (formerly Araneta Coliseum), we will rename the site SmartKCMontero.com if MVP pays us enough wants a merger. If MVP doesn’t want to merge with us, then I, Degenerate, will be forced by KC Montero to sell lemonades and mow people’s lawns so we can pay for the site.

Hit the comments if you want to donate. Even if you don’t want to donate, just hit the comments.

—Degenerate


Photo of the Day: Ryan Seacrest and his 23-year-old Lady Friend

Ryan Seacrest, 36, molests his girlfriend Julianne Hough (I like that surname) at her 23rd birthday party. And we all thought he was gay. Wait, what? Girls touch each other’s boobs in the ladies room?

—Degenerate


Gerald Anderson’s New Girl


Tell Us What You Think About Amanda Coling

Hit the comments!


KC’s car is missing

Please help KC find his car. He forgot where he parked it. It’s white and in his words “looks like a box”. I just hope it’s not grand theft auto. Maybe a carjacker hypnotised him to make him forget? I hope not.

His car is also a virgin so let’s pray this guy doesn’t find KC’s car:

—Degenerate


Vanessa Hudgens’ makeover. She wears clothes now. Baggy clothes.

Vanessa Hudgens is continuing to evolve as an actress. I was amazed by her transformation in the movie “Sucker Punch” because it was the first time I saw her wear clothes. I “liked” her on Facebook and she shocked me when she posted this on her fan page.

“Hey guys, what’s happenin? I have been so stupidly busy working on Gimme Shelter. I’m so excited and proud of the work I’ve been doing and let me tell you, you all are going to be SHOCKED with how I look in this movie. It’s crazy sauce. Lol only one more week of shooting till I’m done! Xx V”

So Vanessa Hudgens will be starring in the drama “Gimme Shelter” where she plays the role of a pregnant teen who becomes homeless after her Wall Street father (George of the Jungle) disagrees with her decision to have the baby. She will also sport short hair and wear baggy clothes in the movie (Justin Bieber was not available, allegedly).

Think of “Gimme Shelter” as Justin Bieber meets Juno but with a douchebag father.

—Degenerate


Perverts Are Sending Casey Anthony Money

Casey Anthony has been receiving donations because some people get a hard-on every time they see an alleged baby-killer with duck lips (which means she’s good at sucking cock kissing).

Via ABC News:

“The donations have increased since Anthony was acquitted in the death of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee last week, the records show.

As of today, Anthony has $472.18 in her bank account, nearly $200 more than what was in her account the day she received the verdict. One stranger donated $100 this week.

The average balance in an Orange County jail inmate’s account is $36.30.

The donors range in age from men as young as 19, to middle aged women, and to men in their late fifties. Some are bankers and others have criminal pasts including charges of aggravated assault and sex offenses. The donations have come from across the country and from Canada. Some donors have deposited multiple money orders over the past few months.

One donor even offered Anthony a place to stay when she leaves jail on Sunday.

That one donor is probably my friend Dexter Morgan. He’s a good guy that Dexter Morgan. —Degenerate


Rachel, Kurt and Finn are leaving Glee; KC Montero wants to audition


Lea Michele, Chris Colfer and Cory Monteith are leaving Glee after season 3 according to this post .

This is sad news for KC because he is such a big Gleek. He gets cranky every time he fails to watch Glee (which is why we urge you to buy and send him the Glee DVD box set). But we here at KCMontero.com are optimists. Look at the bright side: Charice might get a bigger role in season 4 and KC loves her like most Filipinos.

It’s a sad day for Gleeks. But we still have a full season to enjoy and appreciate Rachel, Kurt and Finn. Appreciate Kurt Hummel’s humjob (short for “Hummel job”). Appreciate Rachel’s annoying yet talented personality. Appreciate Finn and whatever it is he does on the show.

I’m personally just waiting for Matthew Morrison and his Will Schuester character to leave the show so my mentor KC Montero can replace him. That would be awesome. Imagine KC and Charice doing a duet. Awesome. — Degenerate


Photo of the Day: Penis Cutters

Step aside, Lorena Bobbit. There’s a new queen of penis cutters. Catherine Kieu Becker (right) was arrested in California for allegedly drugging her husband, cutting off his penis and throwing it in the garbage disposal. I’d normally make a joke but I respect these women. – Degenerate


Vans Skateboarding Day

July 9 is VANS Skateboarding Day. Competitions, music, live performances by Urbandub, Salamin, Arcadia, The ButcherCons and Trick Your Mind, and live tattoo session with Wildside Tattoo.

Follow @Vansphmanila on Twitter and like them on Facebook for more details. You should also follow @wendellvans, the alpha male of Vans Philippines.

More importantly (and I will only tell you this because you’re reading this blog and therefore very loyal), ask Wendellvans to follow you back on Twitter. He likes it. He only follows the coolest people. If he follows you, you’ll get a pair of free Vans. I receive a pair of Vans shoes every month and I always say to him: “Sir, nakakahiya na po. You don’t have to give me free Vans often. I’ll buy.” yet he still sends me a lot of stuff because he’s a generous person and a Catholic who, like me, is celibate and a virgin.

P.S. I, Degenerate, was not under duress when I wrote this. I was not forced by @wendellvans to write this piece. He does not possess incriminating photos of me with what appears to be a couple of strippers who may or may not be she-males.