Written by Degenerate Kid who is a freelance writer for some cool magazine you probably never heard of
The RH Bill
You probably know what the RH Bill is by now. To be honest, I didn’t even know what the RH Bill was eight months ago. I just knew that bishops and Catholic groups hated it so I thought it was awesome.
I was freeloading at a friend’s house when we saw Carlos Celdran on the news. Mr. Celdran was on the news because of some stunt he pulled to raise awareness about the RH Bill and why the church frowns upon it. My friend asked me if I know what the RH Bill is, so I said some semi-ignorant stuff because I’m a know-it-all. My friend went to his room and I went to the guest room. We did the same thing: we googled the RH Bill and got smarter (props to Carlos Celdran).
In a nutshell, The Reproductive Health Bill provides for universal distribution of family planning devices, and its enforcement. It means educating the people about… reproductive health.
The church and their bishops did not like the RH Bill fan page on Facebook. They say that it is against their beliefs. They say that sex is about procreation. They say sex should only be between husband and wife. They say sex is sacred.
They’re right. Sex is about reproduction. Does it mean that a husband and a wife cannot practice? I don’t know about you, but if I get married and decide to have a child with my future wife Dianna Agron, I want to practice first. If I want to make a baby, I want to at least practice first. Da Vinci did not paint the Mona Lisa without practicing first.
Is sex really sacred? If you’re married, please hit the comments because I really want to know if you feel a holy presence while having sex with your spouse. Do you think about Jesus while reaching orgasm? Because that would be sick.
The church is acting ignorant with their latest statements. Statements like sperm cells are unborn babies. Statements like teachers who are pro-RH Bill don’t have the right to teach. Statements like people who use condoms have marital problems (which is ignorant because it’s like saying all priests are child molesters).
Degenerate’s Inglorious Bastards
I was raised well like corn and raised Catholic like Children of the Corn, so I feel guilty.
I’m a virgin and I have never masturbated in my life because I wear a purity ring. I just feel so guilty because I have nocturnal emissions (I believe the scientific term is “wet dreams”) every time I watch Glee. I watch Glee, sleep, and wake up in the middle of the night so I can clean myself up in the shower because I have unconsciously committed murder. If sperm cells are unborn children, they deserve proper burial rites. I have called my parish about this but they think it’s ridiculous. Please pray for my inglorious bastards.
Hit the comments and tell me how ignorant I am. – Degenerate Kid
P.S. It’s just jizz. Get over it.
I hate the way you don’t talk to me often,
and the way you stink the air.
I hate that you don’t ride in my car,
I hate it when you catch me stare.
I hate your sexy body and great looks,
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it… I hate the way you’re with Channel V,
I hate the way I bleed and breathe MTV.
I hate that you’re an insectivore (because you eat bugs),
even worse I’m a carnivore (I love spam and bacon and burgers).
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact you never/rarely call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.
(KC runs out, cries…)