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Oscars Recap + Expert Commentary


By Degenerate Kid

I think James Franco was upset because he was really hoping Anne Hathaway would flash him backstage.

I’m writing this Oscars recap with a heavy heart. I started to lose faith in the Oscars the year they snubbed Jean-Claude Van Damme for Best Actor (he was awesomest in Street Fighter), and I totally lost faith when they snubbed and robbed Gigli out of several awards a few years back. Anyhoo, the 83rd Academy Awards was hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway (who, by the way, was brilliant in Love and Other Drugs – well parts of it, I had to fast forward/slow-motion/rewind a lot). I hope you enjoy this recap because I had to cut my vacation with Martin Sheen short because of this. Here are the winners:

Best Picture: The King’s Speech (I’ve yet to watch this movie but I’m definitely going to download it on thepiratebay.com buy the DVD – original, of course.)

Best Actor: Colin Firth The King’s Speech (I think he played Bullseye in Daredevil and made a sex tape with Nicole Narain and he drinks and curses a lot because he is Irish.)

Best Actress: Natalie Portman Black Swan (I want to say Mila Kunis deserves half of the award. I wouldn’t have watched Black Swan if they didn’t make out. They should catfight each other for the award when Natalie gets that big tumor out of her tummy. I love both of them.)

Best Original Song: “We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3 Music and lyrics by Randy Newman (Spoiler: Toy Story 4’s plot is Andy realizes after college that he likes cornholing and is a homosexual. They introduce a new toy named Dirdo, a toy made in Japan.)

Best Film Editing The Social Network Angus Wall & Kirk Baxton (I don’t know them but I hope they get laid.)

Best Visual Effects Inception Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley & Peter Bebb

Best Documentary Feature Inside Job (Luckily for them, three other documentaries with titles that rhymed with Inside Job weren’t nominated: Blow, Hand & Foot)

Best Short Film (Live Action) God of Love Luke Matheny (Dude is popular with the ADHD demographic.)

Best Documentary (Short Subject) Strangers No More (Probably a documentary about one-night stands in Las Vegas that turn into marriage. I think Britney is a producer, Dennis Rodman too.)

Best Costume Design Alice in Wonderland Colleen Atwood (I don’t know what to say. That movie is still in my hard drive. I have to watch it later.)

Best Makeup The Wolfman Rick Baker & Dave Elsey (They’re guys.)

Best Sound Editing Inception Richard King (It’s the sound editing that made the story less complex. I didn’t have to watch the movie more than once. It made me feel so smart.)

Best Sound Mixing Inception Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo & Ed Novick (That Gary A. Rizzo is actually a rapper.)

Best Original Score The Social Network Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

Best Foreign Language Film In a Better World Denmark (Everybody was looking forward to this award.)

Best Original Screenplay David Seidler The King’s Speech

Best Adapted Screenplay Aaron Sorkin The Social Network

Best Animated Feature Film Toy Story 3

Best Short Film (Animated) The Lost Thing Shaun Tan & Andrew Ruhemann

Best Cinematography Inception Wally Pfister

Best Art Direction Alice in Wonderland
Production Design: Robert Stromberg
Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara

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One response

  1. C

    Haha!Ey, maybe you could watch those other movies you said you haven’t seen yet and we’ll wait for your comments on it. This is pretty funny.

    But no pressure, only if you guys have time.

    Thanks. Nice read. 🙂

    February 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm

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