Send me funny hate mail for my new segment, “FU.K.C.” Get it? FU….KC…firstname.lastname@example.org. Here’s my first one!
Greetings, d-bag! How are you? Me, I have a lot of problems. I have a lot of problems with you.
I used to like you back in the day because I love MTV, especially Joey Mead who was my most favorite VJ. I even bought that shampoo regularly because you endorsed it and 7 years later I started to have bald spots. Now I can never have hair like Justin Bieber’s. And if that’s not enough, you keep tweeting and talking about Justin Bieber to rub it in. I’ve unfollowed you to tell you I don’t like you anymore but I still check your tweets regularly.
You see KC Montero, you ruin a lot of things for me. I think you were put here in this earth to ruin my life. As if you don’t know it yet! Hello?!
Morning Would was Mo Twister’s competition. I like Mo Twister more than I ever liked you. You call yourself his friend yet you went ahead and became his competitor. Remember when Gretchen was interviewed and asked about how she felt that she and Claudine were going head-to-head that one time and then she cried and walked out? That’s because she was hurt. I didn’t see you do that because maybe you’re heartless and you don’t love Mo – you’re just pretending so he goes out on dates with you.
Then you moved the to the 1-4 PM timeslot. I’m really sure that you planned all these like the Machiavellian that you are. You wanted to have a show for yourself because you couldn’t share the spotlight with Cesca Litton and Jimmy Muna and because you are jealous of them. Your next move was to bring Wowowee down by stealing some of their target audience. When you couldn’t bring Wowowee down, you called your friend Jobert and plotted against my favorite host Willie. Congratulations KC! You won, now Willie has no more income and might go hungry because you and Jobert took away his livelihood. And you had to totally finish Wowowee by doing Lesbian or Taboo days and talking dirty to get more people to tune in, something Willie wouldn’t do in his lifetime! That’s why Willie will forever be better than you because he has integrity and totally humble unlike you who is totally bastos. You ruined my favorite show Wowowee and my favorite host Willie!
You also ruined my new favorite Cassandra Moneteroid. The KC Show flourished when she was around and you became so jealous of her (as always! Hello!? No surprise here). You couldn’t take it that she’s fresh and hot and was becoming a big star. You feared that you would live under her shadow. So what did you do? You harassed her, you were rude to her, you drove her out of the country. And enough is never enough for you. I’m pretty sure that it was you who tipped the paparazzi about Cassandra’s whereabouts. Now she’s in a coma because the paparazzi chased her like they did Princess Diana. I would like to request for you to play Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind” in honor of Cassandra but you I’m sure you wouldn’t play it either. You’re an a-hole KC Montero.
And I’m going to say this before you even do more damage: LEAVE ERI NEEMAN ALONE! HE’S A HUMAN!
I know you have your eyes set on destroying my new favorite Eri. You had to bait him into making a bet with you because you knew you would win. You hustled him. No guilt? Let me tell you something, you sociopath: Jimmy (not his real name), my mole, told me he saw the way Eri looked at Cassandra. Sure, you call Eri gay all the time but you don’t know that! Eri and Cassandra could have made cute little babies together, but you took away that possibility because you’re a jerk! Eri has damaged balls and Cassandra is in a coma and might never wake up. We all know your next move. You’re gonna prevent Eri from visiting Cassandra because you saw that movie “Sleeping Beauty”.
I also know you did a Jay Leno on Eri. Everybody knows that Eri’s voice reaches its prime around noon and 1 PM. His voice is audible chocolate around that time. You got jealous again and asked management to move your show to noon. You took away from us the pleasure of hearing Eri’s ripe 12-1 voice.
I will write you again soon. You are a totally worthless butthead.
DJ Neri T.
P.S. Charice fans and I are watching you. It was you who made her feel insecure
enough to go the Botox way.