Get in where ya fit in….

Follow me on Twitter by Degenerate Kid, the most degenerate kid of them all.


“Follow Me Back” by Alvin Louis aka Degenerate Kid.

DISCLAIMER: Stuff written by this writer should not be read, ever.

If you ever asked somebody to follow you on Twitter, you might want to stop reading

as you might get offended by what this writer has to say (but if you stop reading

the rest of this article, you’ll never know the secret of how to get followed by

porn stars).

“Asking a celebrity to follow you on Twitter isn’t like begging a girl to have sex

with you, but it’s close.”

I started tweeting mid-December of 2009. It has been 7 months and I already have

2,342 tweets. That’s an average of about 11 tweets daily. If I spent a minute on

every tweet, then I’ve already spent 2,342 minutes on Twitter. To make you realize

the seriousness of my 2,343 minutes spent on Twitter, know that LeBron James played

2,966 regular season minutes for Cleveland before he starred in “The Decision”.

We already know how cool Twitter is. How it connects people like Nokia. How we get

updated through Twitter. Some people even get their news exclusively from Twitter.

Let’s not get into that. Let’s talk about Twitter followers.

I have this distant gay relative who’s also a Facebook friend of mine. He’s an ass.

He annoys me by constantly updating his Facebook status, bragging about being

followed by Miriam Quiambao. Big deal, right? Not. But who knows? Maybe for him,

being followed by a celebrity like Miriam Quiambao is the equivalent of being

gang-banged by U-Kiss. We’ll never know his reasons.

So what does it mean to have followers on Twitter? What does it mean to be followed

by a celebrity?

For celebrities and public figures, your number of followers is testament to how

cool you are and how broad your fan base is. If you’re Ashton Kutcher, it means that

your wife is hot and millions of people appreciate your awesomeness. If you’re Paris

Hilton, it gives you an idea of how many people with internet access are within your

range IQ-wise (researchers say 99% of her straight male followers liked “One Night

in Paris” which I think is either a Western or a movie shot in France). If you’re

Justin Bieber, it gives you an idea of how many teen-aged girls and confused young

men listen to your music.

For the common man, you have to be really awesome to at least have 1,000 followers.

Enter any chatroom, go to Ustream, tweet Justin Bieber, and I’m certain that some

people will ask you to follow them. It’s amazes me – not that I have anything

against it. This reminds me of the time when few people had SMS-capable cellphones,

when people would ask for somebody’s number just so they can have somebody to text

with. Ten years ago, if you had a cellphone with less than 10 people in its

phonebook, you’re not cool and you live near Loserville (you live in Loserville if

the only number you have is your mom’s, and we were probably neighbors).

X-deals. Tit for tat (Haha! I said tit.). Squids pro Hayden Kho, or something. I

scratch your back, you lick my balls (or something). Some people do this on Twitter:

I follow you, you follow me back. This blows my mind. If you follow a friend and

said friend follows you back, I think it’s cool – like exchanging numbers with a

friend – it’s cool because you can catch up with each other now.

But to follow somebody, a stranger, who for all you know tweets in Jejemon, for the

sake of being followed back? You should only do it if you’re on Twitter to make new

friends.

It’s true that having many followers is an ego booster. It adds inches to your penis

if you’re a guy like a sports car would. It adds inches to your bust/butt size if

you’re a girl like being in business with Belo would. To some, like my superficial,

retarded distant relative of a gay Facebook friend, you become more awesome if a

celebrity or two follows you. But it’s all superficial – don’t get too obsessed with

it. It’s not true that you’ll grow angel wings once you hit 10 million followers.

“Never tweet someone (especially celebrities) to follow you back” should and must be

a Twitter etiquette. Here are some possible consequences if you tweet someone to

follow you back:

1. You will come across as desperate and/or pathetic and you will be ignored (in

some cases, you might actually get blocked). No further explanation needed.

2. You will be followed, but only because she is kind and you kinda emotionally

blackmailed her. This is like pity sex – she feels sorry for herself afterwards

because now she has to follow everybody else who asks or tweets her e.g. Miriam

Quiambao who currently has 49,662 followers but is following 36,084 people. Justin

Bieber and Lady Gaga too! I can only imagine what their respective timelines must be

like.

3. He or she will mess with you. This is extreme and rarely happens. Imagine being

followed, then unfollowed 5 minutes later, and getting a tweet or DM that says

“Sucker! Haha! You’re pathetic!”

Tweet for fun! Appreciate your followers and follow them back if you want to, but

never follow someone unless you do it wholeheartedly. And once again, don’t ask the

people you follow to follow you back because while it’s not like asking a girl to

have sex with you, it’s close.

As bonus for reading my first article, I’ll share with you a secret: How to be

followed by porn stars. Three pornstars followed me back. The secret? I told them

that it’s my birthday soon and asked them to follow me. It’s not really pathetic

when you ask porn stars to follow you. Or Lady Gaga. Or Justin Bieber.

Follow me on Twitter because I’m not meant to be followed. @Alvin_Louis

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7 responses

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Follow me on Twitter by Degenerate Kid, the most degenerate kid of them all. « theKCshow's Blog -- Topsy.com

  2. Moose

    Suck me rough and dry…

    August 2, 2010 at 1:24 am

  3. hahaha, nice one!

    August 2, 2010 at 4:11 pm

  4. ianvaleriano

    haha… i love reading this blog, frank, but its true.. nice one KC, i will watch Party Pilipinas tomorrow.. 😀

    August 7, 2010 at 1:38 am

  5. greaven

    degenerate kid, you are so cool. thanks for showing me this site. i totally love reading all the posts here. kc, you are so pretty being cassandra. even prettier than other girls.
    haissst… i haven’t read much of your posts. lack of time. i have to sleep now. work, work, work again tomorrow.

    August 12, 2010 at 2:44 pm

  6. Degenerate

    It’s nice to know you guys approve. Thanks.

    August 12, 2010 at 2:51 pm

  7. greaven

    you’re most welcome degenerate kid.

    August 13, 2010 at 5:04 am

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